Wednesday, March 21, 2012


Oh, how misguided you are, poor past-self.  Thinking that you've already been through the worst and it's going to get better.  Oh, how wrong you were. How very, very wrong.

Two days of shitting out nothing but water.  Couldn't feel my goddamn legs because I was on the toilet for the better part of two days.  even drinking plain water made me feel like puking.  by the end there, my lips were starting to dry out and peel.  as ucky as that was to have to remember, it seems to be over.

the brain zaps are back, though, and the dizziness, and the mood swings are worse than ever.  plus the nausea stuck around, and my ass feels like someone took sandpaper to it.  what fun!  yeah, guys. take effexor.  great stuff.  miss a dose by a couple hours, and you get the brain zaps and mental confusion.  stop taking it for any reason, and even with a gradual step-down program of decreasing the dose over many months can still net you these fantastic side effects!

I was on effexor both times I discovered I was pregnant, and we had to ramp up the weaning-off process so they wouldn't be negatively affected by it.  of course, the withdrawal was covered up by the usual hideousness of the first trimester.  or maybe that was just me who had crippling nausea? something to think about when i can pull the fragments of my mind back together.

whenever my own misery gets too big, i put myself in someone else's shoes. Revan is my favorite one to do this with.  Oh, i still feel so much shame that i love kotor that much.  all the games i'd played before kotor were games my parents bought, and crash bandicoot doesn't have a whole lot of surprises in it to blindside you.  I bought kotor myself (and i'm sure there are plenty of people who completely expected it, but i was too damn excited to think about what was going on in the game. I just devoured it), started playing it, and when the big reveal came, I was utterly flabbergasted.  That, of course, was before I had kids, and could play games for hours and hours on end.  Now, it's harder to slip things by me, because I only play after the kids are in bed, which gives me maybe three hours to play as many games as I can before I get too tired and have to stop.  So I have all of the next day to think about everything I played the night before.

Oh, hello mental confusion, are you back again?  I see you clouded over everything while I was typing.  Glad to know I'll have you to keep me company while I'm going insane.


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